Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist

How to End the Drama and Get on With Life

Book - 2013
Average Rating:
Rate this:
People with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders have a serious mental illness that primarily affects their intimate, personal, and family relationships. Often they appear to be normally functioning at work and in public interactions, and Narcissists may even be highly effective, in the short term, in some work or social situations. However, in intimate relationships, they can be emotional, aggressive, demeaning, illogical, paranoid, accusing, and controlling--in the extreme. Their ability to function normally or pleasantly can suddenly change in an instant, like flipping a switch. These negative behaviors don't happen once in a while, they happen almost continuously in their intimate relationships and most often, and especially with their Caretaker family member. Here, Margalis Fjelstad describes how people get into a Caretaker role with a Borderline or Narcissist, and how they can get out. Caretakers give up their sense of self to become who and what the Borderline or Narcissist needs them to be. This compromises the Caretaker's self-esteem, distorts their thinking processes, and locks them into a Victim-Persecutor-Rescuer pattern with the Borderline or Narcissist. The book looks at the underlying rules and expectations in these relationships and shows Caretaker's how to move themselves out of these rigid interactions and into a healthier, more productive, and positive lifestyle--with or without the Borderline/Narcissistic partner or family member. It describes how to get out of destructive interactions with the Borderline or Narcissist and how to take new, more effective actions to focus on personal wants, needs, and life goals while allowing the Borderline or Narcissist to take care of themselves. It presents a realistic, yet compassionate, attitude toward the self-destructive nature of these relationships, and gives real life examples of how individuals have let go of their Caretaker behaviors with creative and effective solutions.
Publisher: Lanham, Md. : Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, c2013.
ISBN: 9781442220188
Characteristics: viii, 219 p. : ill. ; 24 cm.


From the critics

Community Activity


Add a Comment
Dec 14, 2016

A concise, no-nonesense book on how to interact, in a healthy and self-affirming way, with a Borderline or Narcissistic person. The author lays out an action plan for those who want to better a relationship, as well as an exit plan. She reiterates, over and over again (keep reminding yourself this), that they will *never* change -- the thing we can do is change our behavior and reactions.

Sep 14, 2015

Commenter MBSL500 refers to a "bi-polar narcissist". This book does not deal with bipolar disorder, which is completely different than borderline personality disorder.

May 28, 2014

this book's focus covers Borderline Personality Disorder and does not appear to cover Narcissistic Personality Disorder

MBSL500 Oct 01, 2013

If you know a Bi-Polar Narcissist, this book will explain all their strange behavior.
If you live with one, this book will be a god-send to keep you from being their Caretaker and under their control.


Add Age Suitability

There are no ages for this title yet.


Add a Summary

There are no summaries for this title yet.


Add Notices

There are no notices for this title yet.


Add a Quote

There are no quotes for this title yet.

Explore Further

Browse by Call Number

Subject Headings


Find it at CPL

To Top